A letter to my 15 year old self…

So I thought it important that I update my blog on two accounts, one being that my last posting seemed a little “she’s going to jump off the pier and doesn’t have her floaties on!” and my other reason being that somewhere between April and now I had a birthday and turned 30!

Where the time has gone I have no idea, I can still remember working two jobs whilst going to uni and thinking about how much I hated life some days and loved it others and then having a 21st amongst all of that. Far out I tell you once you finish your school years life just blitzes by… in fact I was just thinking of that paradox in time… you know when at school you feel like your life is dragging on… and as soon as it’s finished everything falls into warp speed (or just falls into “warped’ altogether)… and so I decided I should write a letter to my 15 year old self.

Now because I like surprises I decided it was best not to tell my 15 year old self what the future holds, particularly because I didn’t know what I wanted to do until I actually got into uni. I also decided that I can’t change the future with a letter from the future so even though it would be nice to tell my past me to study hard and to buy a certain lotto ticket, I’m best of just addressing what was happening at the time. This is probably best as my life was pretty darn crazy then, what with the introduction of hormones, the sudden interest in that thing called “relationships” that my neighbour was always on about, the death of my friend Jack, the family arguments that had just begun oh and just general teen angst… which by the way I refused to admit I had. In fact I tried very hard to keep it to myself as I was sure I wasn’t “one of those kids…”

So here it is my letter to my 15 year old self:


I’m dropping you this letter now, even if it’s the last thing you want because I know that really what you need right now is just some words to read, to distract you from the mess you feel your life has become. It’s hard at the moment because you feel like no one has your back in anything and not only that but there are more questions than answers happening. For a long while you’re going to feel like everything is happening all at once, you’ve got the loss of a friend right now, and I know that when you confided to someone you thought would be there for you that they brushed you off and told you not to be melodramatic, even though you knew you weren’t. I know this because I know that’s not in your true nature. They brushed you off because they didn’t know how to assist you with your grief and even though you feel that wasn’t fair of them you’ll learn to forgive that moment and later on in life you’ll be grateful for that.
I’m dropping this letter to you now as you sit in this pine tree because I want you to know that you have the ability to see people’s true colours long before they show them. Don’t be afraid to trust your instincts, you’ll be happy and sometimes sad with what you discover about some of your relatives and friends and you will soon find that even though you will need to pick some unpopular paths at the time, they will be rewarding in the future… in fact with a few choices you will find you managed to dodge disaster.
As you move out on that branch I want you to know that I know how voiceless you feel right now, in fact when you do open your mouth to speak out you only seem to bring more wrath upon yourself. Please know that this will pass and that your future is worth looking forward to. Your future won’t turn out the way you think it will and part of you will be disappointed, however the path you do end up taking gives you satisfaction and allows you to keep dreaming of bigger and better things. In your future there is love and there is heartbreak, there is success and there is failure and there are new beginnings and there are endings.
As for endings I know you won’t do what you planned to do in this tree right now because I am sending you this letter, and this letter is from you 15 years from now and all I’m asking you to do is to trust that inner voice and remember that I love you.

Love always,

P.S Watch that branch on the left…


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