I’m sorry…

So it’s come to this… I’m the sorry one. I’m the one apologising for everything because… well that’s just it isn’t it? I don’t even have a reason other than the fact that I am the sorry one. So let me tell you just how sorry I am.

I’m sorry that I’ve neglected this blog, but to be honest I can’t even keep up with my own life let alone a blog so I guess I’m sorry for that too.

I’m sorry that I can’t keep up with the pace of life and the expectations placed on me by others, and why am I letting others dictate my life? I really shouldn’t do that either so I guess I’m sorry for that too.

I’m sorry that I allow myself to feel inadequate compared to the demands that “society” place on me, hell I can’t even dress like a “woman” really should so I guess I’m sorry for that too.

I’m sorry that I don’t fit the norm of what a “woman” looks like, I should take more care, style my hair, wear make up and for god’s sake lose some weight… yeah the losing weight business hasn’t happened so I should apologise for that too.

I’m sorry that my body doesn’t always agree with my plans to exercise so that I can drop that dress size or too… but then again I don’t wear dresses… and I’m not apologising for that but I should at least eat healthier so I guess that should be where I apologise.

sorry

I’m sorry that I don’t always eat well. I’m sorry that when I sit down with others for a meal that my meal isn’t as healthy as theirs. I’m sorry that when we’re all eating together that I interrupt conversations at the wrong time because I’m too deaf or dumb to get it just right to just smoothly join in.

I’m sorry when my jokes are bad or when my contribution to the conversation is awkward or lame. I’m sorry that I’m not articulate enough for some and too nerdy for others. I’m sorry that my laugh is too loud or more of a cackle or a hoot or a chortle than a laugh.

I’m sorry that I don’t have the answers that some people seek and the answers when they’re not sought for. I’m sorry that I ask too many questions or the same question too often. I’m also sorry that sometimes something happens and I can’t stop talking about it. I’m sorry that the way I process a situation or an event is different to how others might process information.

I’m sorry that I didn’t try hard enough at some things and too hard at other things. I’m sorry that I spent too much time with one and not the other. I’m sorry that I forget things that are important to other people and I’m also sorry that I forget things that are meant to be important to me too.

I’m sorry that I get too emotional about things that other people don’t care about and that I don’t show emotion about other things. I’m sorry when I can’t find the funny side of things, or for when I do and it offends others to do so. I’m sorry that I don’t share how I’m going in life, or ask how others are really going.

I’m sorry for all those times that I say sorry when I really shouldn’t be apologising but I do it anyway.

Most of all I’m sorry that I’m human and that I can’t change who I am and I’m sorry that can’t stop wanting to succeed where I’ve failed not matter how much it hurts or disappoints.

The only thing I’m not sorry for is this blog post. How else can I recognise my flaws other than to put them out there to reflect upon me?

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One Response to “I’m sorry…”

  1. You are a star and shouldn’t be sorry for anything! You are wonderful just as you are!

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